Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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