suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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