so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
