I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
