There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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