im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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