i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
