I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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