But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
