lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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