I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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