I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
