I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
