My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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