He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
