Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
