She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
