i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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