He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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