Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
