You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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