i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
