you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
