is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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