And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
