Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
my shit smells like andre
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
