I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize