when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
