I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
