I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
dude. I can hear the air.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
