We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
