He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
