Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
