i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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