My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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