I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize