You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize
