You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
