am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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