I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
