hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
