In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
