I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
