South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize