I'm really into asian looking animals
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
