Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
