What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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