i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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