im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
