So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
