I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
