i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
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