Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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