We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize