I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
