DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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