yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
