how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize