So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
