so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
