Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
