Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You were trust falling into bushes
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
