Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
