her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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