I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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