He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
