I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
