Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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