just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
