We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
