just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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