just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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