Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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