after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
