Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
