There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
