Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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