she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
