OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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