Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
